lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
