I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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