So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
tell me about the eggs
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
