I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
