Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
