I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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