Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Randomize
