You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
