I think I won the penis lottery.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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