please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i think i have two assholes
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This baby is an asshole
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
