If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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