Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
