So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
