Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
