i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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