whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
