how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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