Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
