Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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