I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
