my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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