You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
