He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
