Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
