I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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