she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
