i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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