apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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