My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
