He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
