Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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