If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
