her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
