just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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