my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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