Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
