it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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