Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
