Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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