I'll bet she douches with gravy.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
