Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
