I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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