Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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