All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
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God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
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Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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