Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
