You smell like a Billy Joel song
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Two words: nipple clamps
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