East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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