Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
