well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
