In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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