so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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