I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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