people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
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I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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