Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
