My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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