Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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