omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
