I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
