complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
