The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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