Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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