I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
