So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
