And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She bit a glass in half.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
