Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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