Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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