I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
