been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
