im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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